Today it was a big day.
I completed last task for pitching, from original task list.
Apart from MidJourney tasks, but that can wait.
Which means-ta dam, ta dam-that theoretically I should get to pitching deck now.
I say theoretically, because after update with newest ideas, and compiling my notes, there are about 6 more tasks to do.
Never mind. I finished the prototype.
Now I need to switch to business thinking, polishing for prototype, playtesting, buying some AI generated images, setting up this blog.
Yes. When I’m writing this, the blog has placeholder images.
Success Block
After I finished the protype, I slept for 1h and wasted another half. Success block.
It’s when you can win something in life but your brain blocks it, as it fears change. Believe or not, if I wanted to give you one million dollars you would take it.
But if I really was in the room near you and asked you to take one million, you would be like “but why? Is it legal? What should I do with it? Are you a gangster?,” and then, after clearing initial doubts you would still hesitate “will inflation take it? What should I do with it? Will I lose friends?”
Then, after taking the million, you would have thoughts about giving it back as you don’t “deserve” it or other bull***t we say to ourselves.
And wasting time instead of achieving is another symptom of a success block.
While I’m writing this article (one of things to do after the prototype), I’ve cleaned the house, went to supermarket, and had a home work out.
Then I kind of forced myself to carry on with my game. To fight for my dreams.
Dissapointment
There is another reason for procrastination: the game became “not cute.”
Similarly to a puppy which grows into a normal dog, after the game grows it becomes more and more real.
Then you start seeing with your own eyes how much the game sucks.
One month ago I could imagine my game being a smaller, improved version of Space Empires 5.
Today I see a crappy, boring, and empty simulation thing.
That disappointment also puts you off and is the reason why so many people don’t finish their games.
Surprise
To be honest, success block thing and my brain putting me to sleep kind of surprised me.
Understand that I am the expert. I am the guy who is respected at work for how he carries the project on. I released 7 games myself, doing everything from start to finish.
I could have success block with my first game, but after 7 blocks it should go away.
It didn’t.
I am much more hardened, I wasted 1.5h instead of the whole weekend-that’s true. But the fact that our problems will be with us till the end of our days kind of saddens me.
I am weak as always, I struggle through the project as always, and I carry on. It’s not all roses.
And frankly, it never was.
…
OK. Enough of being pathetic. Let’s be awesome instead. Till next time.